Every January I walk into my classroom and do a quiet count. Which of the Christmas presents came back to school in a backpack, or turned up in a story at circle time, or got mentioned when a child wrote about her weekend? And which ones I never hear about again.
So after fifteen years of doing that count, I can tell you the pattern. The gifts that last are the ones a child can do something with, and the ones that came with a person attached. Grandparents are unusually good at the second part. So this list is for you. And it’s built for ages 2 to 8, because that’s the range I teach and the range I’ll vouch for, and it’s sorted by what a child’s hands and head can actually do at each age.
Four gifts I’d skip, and why
I’ll start with the ones I watch disappear, because that’s where the money goes.
The big plastic toy with the lights and the sounds. It’s the star of Christmas morning, and by the second week of January it’s in the bin under the bed with the batteries dead. It does the playing. The child just watches. And that’s why it doesn’t last.
The tablet, or the app on the tablet that says “learning” on it. I’ve had grandparents tell me their grandson knows every letter on the iPad and can’t write one of them on paper. Swiping a finger across glass just teaches the finger to swipe. It doesn’t teach the hand to hold a pencil, and that’s the skill kindergarten actually asks for.
The gift card, or the cash in the card. I understand the intention completely, and it is the most practical gift on this list. And it’s the one the child will never remember. A $25 card gets folded into groceries and gas by the end of the week, and nobody’s the wiser.
The cheap workbook. Thin paper, faint dotted lines, letters the wrong size for a small hand. A four-year-old can’t succeed on that page. So she concludes she’s bad at writing, and she’s four. A bad workbook does real harm, which is more than the plastic toy can say.
What a gift from a grandparent can do that nobody else’s can
Here’s the thing I’ve noticed about grandparents at my Saturday workshops. You’re not in a hurry. A parent is trying to get through the evening. You have a whole Sunday afternoon and no agenda except this child.
So the best gift from a grandparent is one the two of you can do together, and one she can show you afterwards. And I hear the second half of that from grandparents constantly. She wants to show you the page. He wants you to watch him do it. That moment is the actual gift, and the thing in the box is just the reason for it.
One more thing before the list. When Groovd asked more than 11,000 of the grandparents and parents who buy from them which feeling comes up when they think about the child’s future, half said excitement. Only 7% said worry. So I’m not going to sell you anything out of fear. Your grandchild is going to be fine. This is about making your afternoons with her count.
Ages 2 to 3: hands first
At two, the hand is the whole story. She’s learning to grip, to push, to twist, to get a thing into a hole. So anything that asks the hand to work is right. And anything that asks her to sit still and be taught is wrong.
Ages 3 to 4: the year the pencil arrives
Three is when a child just starts wanting to make marks that mean something. Her name. A letter she’s seen. This is the year I’d give the Children’s Magic Copybooks, and if you only take one thing from this list, take this one.
Four books, Alphabet, Numbers, Math and Drawing. Every letter and number is carved into the page, so the pen drops into the groove and the groove keeps it on the right path. The ink fades in about ten minutes and the page is blank again, so she does the same letter tomorrow and the day after. The box has the pen, refills and a little grip that sits on the pen and puts her fingers in the right place. Made for ages 3 to 8, right- or left-handed, and I’ve written a whole guide on how grooved books work if you want the long version.
Ages 4 to 5: the year before school
Four is about attention. Can she stick with one thing for ten minutes? Can she follow a small set of rules? Everything I’d give a four-year-old practices that, disguised as something else.
Ages 5 to 6: kindergarten asks for real things
Kindergarten wants a child who can tie shoes, sit with a book, and look closely at something for more than a minute. The gifts that help are the ones that practice exactly those.
Ages 6 to 8: give them a skill nobody else is teaching
By six a child has been given a lot of toys. So what she hasn’t been given is the things that fell out of school. Cursive. Telling time on a clock with hands. Times tables you can say out loud.
What to get grandkids who have everything
This is the most common question I get, and the honest answer is that a child who has everything has every thing. What she doesn’t have is a skill she didn’t have last month.
So just give the thing that gets used up. The copybooks get used up, in a good way: the pen refills run out, which is the most reliable sign a gift is being used. A craft kit gets used up. A microscope never gets used up, it just gets pointed at new things. None of these go in the bin, because none of them are finished.
And give the thing that comes with you. See the next two sections.
If you have a lot of grandchildren
The question I see grandparents actually asking online is not “what’s a good gift”. It’s “I have eleven grandchildren from two to fourteen, what do I do.” So here’s what I’d do.
I’d pick one gift per age band from this list and buy it in multiples. Cousins compare, and two children the same age with the same thing is peace. The copybooks cover 3 to 8 in one box, which is most of a family, and every child needs her own pen anyway. And set a per-child budget and hold it. And put the older ones, the ten and up crowd, on the atlas or the cursive book rather than trying to find something new for each of them. Nobody at fourteen is measuring the price of your present. They’re measuring whether you remembered what they’re into.
If you live far away
Most of the grandparents at my workshops see their grandchildren a few times a year. So the gift has to work over a phone.
The copybooks do. She does a page, someone photographs it, you get it by dinner. Buy the Sight Word Readers twice and read them together over the phone. Send the pen refills in a card, because a refill in the mail is a message that says I know you’re still doing it. And write to her, on paper, in cursive. Once she has the cursive book she’ll be able to read your letters herself, and I promise you she’ll keep them.
Three gifts that aren’t things
A library card in her name, and a standing date to use it. Most libraries will issue one to a three-year-old.
A recording of you reading her favorite book, made on your phone, sent to her mom. It gets played at bedtime more than you’d think.
Your own handwriting. A letter a month. A child who gets mail is a child who wants to learn to write back.
Check with the parents first
Just two questions, before you buy anything on this list. What’s the one thing you’re working on with him right now? And what’s already in the house? The first tells you which section to shop from. The second stops you buying the magnetic blocks for a child with three bins of them. Parents notice when a grandparent asks. It’s the cheapest goodwill there is.
What should grandparents give grandchildren for Christmas?
If it’s the big gift, pick from the age sections above. If it’s the stocking, these are the ones under $20 that don’t get thrown out with the wrapping paper.
What grandparents tell me
I’ll give you their words. These are from the people who bought the copybooks through Groovd.
Say this
- “I got them for my older granddaughters and they loved them.”
- “Other grandchildren had success with improved writing skills using your books.”
- “Twin granddaughters, it’s time for them to learn; the day care isn’t doing it.”
- “I brought one for my granddaughter when she was 2 and now she’s 9 and doing well in school.”
And the one I think about most: “He always wants to play school with me.”
That’s the January test, passed. The page, and you.
